Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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