Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
