Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
