I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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