Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
