lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
