U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Randomize
