my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
