he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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