We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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