you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
