you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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