it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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