please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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