He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
