theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
