he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize