He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
