then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
