dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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