I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
