If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
We were destined to go to rehab together
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
