then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
