it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
