just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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