So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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