By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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