anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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