You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize