I checked into jail on foursquare
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We had sex on a dog bed..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
