we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
