I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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