you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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