no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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