So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
