Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
