I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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