quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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