A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
