Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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