Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
