I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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