Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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