Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
