some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
