We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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