all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
