The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
