well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
