Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
