birth control should be required to get into college
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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