your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize