Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
