Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
