i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
