Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
