Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
