you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
