I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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