We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
