Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
