I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
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