I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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