Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my shit smells like andre
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
