she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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