The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
